Reasons
by Lavenderangel
Summary: If it were her, she wouldn't come back. Post-tamers.


If it were her, she wouldn't come back.

Susie can't seem to stand still. The youngest tamer clasped hands with Jeri, and the two twirled through a patch of autumn sunlight. Nearby, Takato had a dopy grin on his face. Leaves peppered his hair from the branch he stood under, but he was too busy staring off into the middle distance to take notice. Kazu and Kenta were doing a complicated high five sequence, complete with boisterous cheering, and Rika wouldn't be surprised if it degenerated into rolling around on the grass at any second.

Like Rika, Henry was standing motionless, observing their friends in turn. He had heard the news from his father earlier in the day, and despite having the longest to digest the information, Rika saw a smile curving the corners of his lips, particularly when Takato joined the dancing.

They hadn't all spent time here at the park in a while. The three original tamers would sometimes meet for lunch, Takato occasionally bringing Jeri, depending on the status of their relationship. After the first few times, their had been an unspoken agreement to avoid particular places. Being there as a group felt incomplete, and no one ever left those gatherings happy. they would make half hearted plans about getting together more frequently, but it never happened. Rika honestly couldn't remember the last time she had seen Kenta or Kazu, let alone Henry's little sister.

But Henry had called them all in a rush less than an hour ago, saying they needed to meet at the park as soon as possible. Rika had never heard him sounding quite so frantic, and it had been fun to toy with him for a while about whether she could actually come. She would have done anything to get out of the house, but she always liked to see how long she could make the boys persuade her.

Apparently, Henry had anticipated this, and wasted no time. "It's about the Digimon. "Just come, Rika. Hurry!" Rika's mask of indifference had dropped away at that, and she had ended up being the first to arrive.

"Isn't it amazing?" Henry was asking now, brushing dirt off of Susie's dress. "My dad didn't want to tell me until it was certain, but we could have them back tomorrow. We could have our Digimon back tomorrow!"

"Tomorrow!" Takato echoed, nearly smacking his head on a low hanging branch as he tune back into the conversation. "How is this even possible?"

Like baby birds to their mother, the group flocked around Henry, clambering for further explanation. Rika hung back. She didn't care how it was possible, because it wasn't going to happen. How could all of them completely overreact like this?

Maybe Rika was the only one of them to have changed so completely in the last four years. She blamed Renamon for the changes, despite the fact the Digimon had been in her life barely an eighth of that time.

Excluding Takato, the rest of them had been chosen by their Digimon. Rika had chosen Renamon, but her motivation had been purely physical. She hadn't been prepared for the intense effect Renamon would have on her. Their relationship wasn't comparable to any of the others; Rika didn't have a word strong enough to encompass the intensity of it. All the tamer's Digimon had been loyal, but Renamon had been intuitive to a fault. There had been a sense of mutual respect and trust that Rika had never experienced with anyone, before or since.

That was why her leaving had sent Rika into a complete tailspin. She had given more of herself to their relationship than even she had realized. So while Henry was angry with his father and Takato talked to her with suspiciously red eyes, Rika was numb.

Renamon had made her feel. Renamon had made her open up, had made her want to care for people. But Rika hadn't learned how to do any of those things well, and certainly not without the fox. Abandonment was was far harder to recover from the second time, Rika discovered.

But time had given her perspective, melting away the ice of her instinctual resentment. Rika understood that they had to be separated for the balance to be restored in both worlds. At almost fifteen, Rika was no longer the calculating, irrational girl who had first worked with Renamon, but neither was she the overly confident 11 year old who had sent her a needy, tearful message, determined that they would be together again.

Rika had convinced herself the message she sent Renamon was the best closure she was going to get, but she had stopped believing in her own proclamation that they would be reunited months later. For her thirteenth birthday, her mother had given her a beautiful statue of a kitsune, along with a longwinded explanation about how expensive it was. It sat proudly on Rika's dresser, the only real decorative thing in her room. Privately, and without any real reason, Rika decided this was Renamon's way of saying goodbye. Rika did not let herself linger over the statue often, the emotions surrounding it too raw.

Renamon's purpose was to fight. That was why Rika had picked her, because she was strong and cooly confident. Rika didn't know what had caused Renamon to change and suddenly desire more from her tamer, but she was also sure it wouldn't have lasted. Once back in the digital world where she belonged, the spell would have surely broken. What had Rika ever given Renamon, anyway? Certainly not enough for her to want to come back to her .

It was better this way. The rest of them could have their partners back, assuming this ridiculously cheesy sounding plan actually worked. But Rika knew that the digital world was the best place for Renamon. And she owed her Digimon the best.

Abruptly, Rika was nearly knocked off her feet by the whirlwind that were Kenta and Kazu breaking away from the huddle and bolting across the park. "Wait," Takato was protesting, "Do you even know his phone number?"

"Some things will never change," Jeri observed, turning her wide grin on Rika.

Rika nodded, even as she appraised Jeri's easy smile. "Um, are you okay with all of this?" She asked, stepping closer and lowering her voice. Concern was still something she had trouble expressing, particularly with someone as guarded as Jeri. Takato was easy to bully into a smile, and she could distract Henry from any negative train of thought by talking about high school. But Jeri was more challenging, particularly because she was Rika's first female friend.

Jeri paused to actually consider her question. "I am. I hope I'll be able to see Calumon again. I'd even like to see Impmon, if his partners don't mind. But I'm mostly just so happy for Takato…' Jeri trailed off, looking over Rika's shoulder. Rika deliberately didn't turn around, far too familiar with the overtly sappy looks they would give each other.

Takato walked into Rika's line of vision, though he only had eyes for Jeri. "I'm gonna go after those two so Ryo actually hears the news. Do you want to come?"

"Sure. This will definitely be a two person job." Jeri linked their fingers together, and they walked off, calling goodbyes as an afterthought.

"Well, that broke up fast."

"Do you really think this will work?" Rika had meant for the question to be neutral, but by the slow raise of Henry's eyebrows, she had clearly not succeeded.

"Of course it will work," Susie broke in. "We just have to believe in our Digimon."

"Something like that," Henry shot a warm smile in his sister's direction. "Rika," his expression turned serious as he turned back, regarding her intently. "I know it's scary to hope, but…"

"There's nothing scary about it," Rika snapped. When feeling vulnerable, anger was still her strongest defense.

"It'll be okay, Rika." Henry put out a hand, and then seemed to think better of it. Good decision.

Rika turned away from those dark eyes, eerily reminded of Renamon. "I'm gonna go. Good to see you, Susie," Rika lied.

"Just come tomorrow, okay? It will be worth it, I promise."

XXX

She hadn't meant to come. Rika had just been walking, but the dazzling lights had drawn her like a beacon. Of course, they wouldn't wait for her to have started… whatever they were starting.

They stood in a wide eyed half circle, clutching what Rika could only assume were their digivices. Rika pictured her own, shoved into the back of her top dresser drawer. A barrage of lights streamed upwards from their huddle, colliding with similar apparitions in the sky. The collision of light was too intense for Rika to look at for long, and her pulse was suddenly beating all over her body.

And then, the chaos started.

"Takato!" The boy stumbled backwards as something collided with his chest. Rika blinked. There was unmistakably a spherical animal nibbling a the collar of his shirt.

Takato's voice was strained. "Guilmon?"

"Close enough," the creature chirped, muffled by his shirt. Takato laughed in delight, hugging him fiercely. Rika stepped back, feeling as though the wind had been knocked out of her.

Gigimon wasn't alone. By now, Susie was strangling something, Kazu and Kenta were gaping wordlessly, and Ryo, who Rika hadn't seen until now, was edging off by himself, a bundle cradled to his chest.

"Why are you still in your in-training forms?" Henry was inquiring, crouching over a horned creature.

"Who knows? Who cares?" That was unmistakably some form of Terriermon, and Henry put a hand over his eyes as the Digimon began to nuzzle the other.

Rika needed to leave. Seeing them here, really here was harder than she had expected. she turned away. Someone that might have been Jeri called her name, but Rika didn't let herself react, jolting forward into a clumsy run.

_Let__her__have__come_, Rika thought in time with her footfalls. _Please,__let__her__have__come._

Rika made it back to her house in record time, a stitch in her side and a lump in her throat. She hoped none of them had followed her. Pity wasn't something she could handle right now. She bolted down the corridor and into her bedroom on pure momentum, hoping it would give her courage.

It was deserted, everything untouched from how she had left it earlier in the day. Rika was foolish to have expected otherwise. Her eyes fell on her statue, and she swallowed back the burning, bile flavored desire to fling it to the floor.

Once she had regained some semblance of control, Rika entered the kitchen, still catching her breath. She pushed hair out of her sweaty face, intent on getting a glass of water and hiding from the world for the rest of the day. Maybe tomorrow she could face the rest of the group and their Digimon, be supportive in her own way. She was happy for them, particularly Takato and Henry.

As Rika let the sliding door close carelessly behind her, a crash near the table sounded. Her grandmother turned from her position near the stove, lose tea leaves sticking out of her fist. "Rika! you're home!" Rika was still too winded to reply, and she waited for the inevitable questions about her disheveled appearance

They didn't come. "Look who's here!" Her grandmother gestured over Rika's shoulder to the table. Beside a fallen chair was something that made Rika's breath catch in an audible gasp.

"What?" she managed to rasp, unsure exactly who the question was for. Maybe her grandmother, or maybe just herself.

"Isn't it wonderful? She wanted to leave and go and find you, but I insisted that you'd be along soon. And here you are!" Her grandmother was positively beaming.

Rika had stopped listening, had really stopped acknowledging the older woman altogether. "How," she managed.

"I thought you would be able to answer that question." Renamon's voice was just as mild as Rika had remembered, and the sound of it made her eyes sting. "rika," the Digimon continued, her tone dipping into that familiar cadence as she spoke her name. No one could ever say Rika's name like Renamon. "How I have missed you."

Rika held out a hand, afraid if she touched her the illusion might shatter and she would be alone again. "I… I thought…"

"You thought I wouldn't come?" Renamon's blue eyes were more piercing than Rika remembered. Dimly, she was aware of tears beginning to spill down her cheeks. "Foolish girl," the fox rebuked. "Don't you know I would have done anything to be with you?"

"It really is you," Rika breathed, just over a whisper. She took a halting step forward, falling over the chair the Digimon had knocked to the floor. Whether out of reflexes or remembered instinct, Renamon was suddenly in front of her, grasping her shoulders and steadying her.

For a moment, they just looked at one another, Renamon's hands firm and solid, their heat leeching through the thin fabric of her shirt. This close, there was no denying that this was her Digimon. Rika wanted to ask how she was in her rookie form when the others had not been, but all that came out of her was a hoarse sob. Renamon's response was immediate, her arms locking about her fiercely. Rika's body reacted before her stunned mind could catch up with her, returning the embrace with equal intensity.

Renamon had held her before, but always in the context of battle. Rika was very reserved with how much physical contact she gave anyone, though at this moment she was struggling to remember precisely why. She allowed her face to fall against the soft fur of her Digimon's chest, and Renamon's hand came up to cradle the back of her head. Rika vaguely wondered if Renamon had always had such maternal instincts toward her, or if she was just responding to her current state. She was aware that she was trembling violently, but there wasn't anything she could do about it.

Her tears did not last long, but rika found herself reluctant to pull away. She looked up to discover that her grandmother had thankfully left them alone, hopefully before the hysterical crying portion of the conversation. She let her eyes settle back on Renamon's face, still allowing herself to lean into her.

"I don't know why you ended…" Rika started to say, but then cut herself off. "Of course I do. My Digivice was here. Everyone else brought there's, but I…"

Renamon did not make her finish that thought. "So this was planned?"

"Yeah. We were all supposed to meet together. All of their Digimon came back as in-trainings."

"I initially arrived as Viximon," Renamon confirmed. "But soon after there was an abrupt energy spike."

Rika's cheeks felt warm, and she looked down at the fox's fur, made damp from her own crying. "I… I thought you hadn't come."

"So you said. Why would you think that? And why did you not bring your digivice to the meeting?" Renamon sounded more amused than reproachful, but Rika still felt embarrassed.

"I didn't… I didn't think you would want to come. I didn't think I deserved you."

"What are you talking about?"

Her halting explanation sounded more pathetic by the second, but once she started talking, Rika found she couldn't stop. "Digimon are meant to fight. I mean, you… I wanted you to be happy. I thought you would be better off in the digital world…" The "without me" hung heavy and unsaid in the small space between them.

Renamon's expression didn't change, not that Rika had expected it would. "Do you know," she said slowly. "When I first came to this world, I thought the same thing. I was annoyed that I had to rely on a human for strength."

Rika knew, if this were anyone else's partner, they might have gotten upset at such a frank admission. But she had never spared Renamon's feelings, and Rika was glad for the same courtesy.

"But things change," Renamon continued. "I trust I don't need to remind you of how much better it felt working together in the end."

Rika nodded. "but Henry and his father didn't figure out how to bring you all back because of a fight. There's not a reason…"

"But there is."

"I…"

"Rika, do you think there's fighting in the digital world? "

Rika stopped, taken aback. "I - I don't know…"

"there is not. At least, nothing serious." The glint in her partners eyes made Rika's heart a little lighter. Renamon's gaze quickly became serious again. "There is no reason for me to be there, Rika. But there is certainly one for me to be here."

"Me?" Of course, Rika knew what she was implying, but she still found herself needing to ask.

"What else would it ever be?"

Renamon stepped forward, placing a hand on her shoulder. Rika thought she might leave it at that, but found herself tentatively reaching up, wrapping her small arms about Renamon's neck. Renamon stroked a hand over the top of her head. If it were anyone else, Rika would chastise them for messing with her hair, but she found her throat too tight to speak, and the gesture too comforting.

"We should go," Rika said suddenly.

"where?"

"To find the others. I kind of… left suddenly earlier."

Renamon gave her that familiar look, a slow smile taking out any rebuke. "How I have missed you." She said for the second time.

Rika found her grandmother to say they were going out. She expected Renamon to fade into the shadows, but the fox stayed solid and close at her side.

Protestations and questions made their way up her throat, and Rika broke into a run to avoid voicing them. As much as a Digimon shouldn't be spotted on their first day back, let alone one as distinct as Renamon, Rika was much more content to have the creature in sight. Renamon easily kept pace with her.

Somewhere between her home and their park, Rika closed her hand around one of her paws. When she eventually came upon the others, Rika was casual, spitting out an apology as quickly as possible.

For the rest of the afternoon, as she was peppered with questions about how Renamon digivolved, and harassed by Impmon's twins, her hand never left Renamon's. Judging by the long look she exchanged with Henry, it was possibly the only answer she had ever needed to give.

Author's notes: This fic was inspired by the absolutely heart wrenching tamers audio drama. I can't think of any other character in Digimon's seasons who has needed her partner as much as Rika, and I had to give them a sappy reunion. This fic is still a little rough, but it's as good as it's ever going to get. I've been working on it since June, when I watched Tamers in it's entirety over the course of a week, and it seems a far better - if potentially less cannon compliant - tribute to these two than my first fic. Your thoughts would be appreciated.


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